Why Can’t We Be Friends?

According to statistics, we live in a culture where friends and media outweigh a parent’s influence in the life of a teenager. A common phrase that parents of young children are told is, “Just wait until they become teenagers.” Some of these parents are doomed before the child even gets there simply because they accept the lie that this is the way it has to be. And it’s not just the parents who think that. The teenagers have grown up hearing this garbage, too.

 

But don’t be discouraged, because there is hope. I’m twenty years old and proud to say that my mom is my best friend. I’m living, breathing proof that your kids can be more than a statistic; they can also be your friends.

 

I wish I could give you some simple instructions that would solve all your mother/daughter relationship problems overnight, but I’m afraid that’s impossible. Each individual person and relationship is too unique for there to be a simple formula for friendships. The way my mom relates to my sister is completely different from the way she relates to me. And on that note, let me just say that it’s okay if you have two daughters and your relationship with one comes easier than the other. That’s normal. It simply means that you have to work a little harder at connecting with the other.

 

While I can’t give you instructions on “How to Become Your Daughter’s Best Friend in 4 Easy Steps,” I hope the following suggestions move you smoothly into the beginning stages of a beautiful friendship.

 

1) Find common ground. There has to be something you both enjoy and can enjoy doing together, but if you’re so different that you’re having a hard time thinking something up, try making the sacrifice to meet her on her level. (After all, while my mom and I never had trouble finding ways to relate, some of my best memories of my dad were made in a carpet warehouse – not exactly every girl’s favorite place, if you know what I mean.)

 

2) Set a consistent time for the two of you to get together. It might be difficult at first, but see if you can arrange a time at least once a week to catch up on one another’s lives. (Moms, the “one another” part is a BIG deal. We don’t want you to bombard us with questions that might come off as invasive; we’re talking about a two-way relationship. Be open with us.) These chats can even be incorporated into an already established routine. My mom and I used to get our girl talk in during her daily walk. This way, we could get away from my siblings, have a little heart-to-heart, and exercise all at once.

 

3) Agree to disagree. Your daughter is growing up and becoming her own person. Sometimes she is going to have opinions that may not line up with yours, and the last thing she wants is to feel as if you’re trying to control her. Unless she’s spouting stuff off that is morally or Biblically unsound, let her say what she feels. You are more than welcome to share your viewpoints in love, but don’t try to convert her to your way of thinking.

 

4) Don’t try to be one of her friends. That may sound like it contradicts everything else I’ve been saying, but it’s probably the most important thing to keep in mind. While you need to be a friend to her, your relationship is going to look completely different than that of her other friendships. You’re her mom; not her little buddy. Accept the fact that your relationship is going to be a little unique.

 

Sometimes a girl needs a friend. Sometimes a girl needs a mom. But she always needs her mom to be a friend. So break our culture’s standards and cultivate a healthy relationship with your teenage daughter.

 

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Rebekah Snyder is often referred to as her mother’s clone, twin, and even “other half.” While she has grown into an independent young woman, she’ll be the first to say that her mom is a huge part of her every success. She blogs at www.beyondwaiting.wordpress.com.