Stop the Masquerade

An inspirational entry from the Proverbs 31 Ministry's author, Micca Campbell.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14a (NIV)

During elementary school, my daughter was friendly and outgoing. But when she entered middle school she changed. Being friendly to everyone in sixth grade wasn’t cool. Peyton quickly found out if she didn’t conform to her friend’s new standards she’d be an outcast. Worst of all was the betrayal. When she didn’t change to be like her friends, they spilled her secrets.

That’s when it happened. Peyton started wearing masks to fit in and please people.

She hid her accepting and sweet personality, and lost her true identity. Almost like a masquerade ball, she’d wear a different personality or mask, acting in ways her friends would want.

There was only one problem. Peyton was miserable hiding behind her masks and pretending to be someone she wasn’t. Sound familiar?

I think most of us understand Peyton’s need to fit in. It’s one reason we wear our own masks. To please others. To hide our pain. To disguise fears and failures. We put on fronts to protect ourselves from an unaccepting world. And in doing so, we mask our true identity and lose our individuality.

Why do we keep up the masquerade? Because we want acceptance.

Keep reading here...

Photo Credit

Your Daughter's Spirituality and Your Control Over It

Dear Moms,

I’m going to be really honest about an area in my mother-daughter relationship that keeps me up at night: my daughter’s spirituality.  Mmm…I grimace.  And I hope I’m not alone in this.

Considering the content of this blog, I hope it’s evident that I know and love our Lord Jesus Christ.  I love Him in a way that makes me want to shout it from the rooftops. I believe in the Lord and I’ve learned that living blindly in faith is a thrilling & meaningful way of life. I want my daughter to have the same love, passion, belief, and conviction in our Christian faith. Oh, how I want that for her!!!

But…I can’t force it. I can’t guarantee her relationship and belief in the Lord [insert look of terror here.]  But! there is still a lot I can do.  I can lead her. I can guide her. I can live a life above reproach that exemplifies Christian character & acknowledges God’s daily grace.  I can teach her what I know to be true. I can pray for her. I can pray for her some more. I can instill values in her. And I can continually plant seeds of faith.

Ultimately, though, her faith is her decision. Her relationship with the Lord will be a personal one. That’s the only way.  But, as a parent (errr, as a mother)  …this freaks me out!!!

Am I doing enough??

Am I doing this right??

Does she get it? Does she care?

Am I cramming this down her throat??

How do I make faith real to her??

There is not a one size fits all answer here.

So, how do we – as mothers – help our girls make a decision to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ? How do we get them to live a life that demonstrates that they want to love & serve Him with their whole lives, too?

It simply starts with us (moms) & our demonstration of what that looks like.  AND, it takes prayer - Specific prayers over our daughters.  Yes! I mean, we, as mom’s need to spend some serious time on our knees before the Lord. We need to commit our daughter’s to the Lord in prayer. We need to intercede on their behalf.

And my final thought on this, is this:  think back to when your relationship with God became what it is.  For me – there were definite “good seasons” of my walk, and “not so good seasons” but I know when God became real to me.  What prompted my faith in God is totally different than my daughter’s. I grew up in tumultuous circumstances and I found faith because God became my only lifeline. Through desperation, I found hope and faith in Jesus.  But, my daughter, on the other hand doesn’t know what that feels like.  Her spiritual awakening is going to be prompted by something totally different.  All I can do, in the meantime is share my experience, my faith, and my journey with her.  I can make a relationship and love for the Lord real to her through my story.  …And, I’m still watching as she writes her own.

I have a feeling there’s a lot more to this topic.  
What do you think? Any questions? Any stories to share?  Write me!


-Emily

Photo Credit

You is Kind, You is Smart, You is Important

Say these words to your daughter(s) this weekend. 

Remind her how much you love her. We know you do. You know you do. But do everything you need to make sure SHE knows you do. Your words, as a mother, will light up her heart. Even when you can't see it. 

Let her know you believe in her. She needs someone to always believe in her. Make sure she knows that's YOU!

XO

Photo Credit

Why Can’t We Be Friends?

According to statistics, we live in a culture where friends and media outweigh a parent’s influence in the life of a teenager. A common phrase that parents of young children are told is, “Just wait until they become teenagers.” Some of these parents are doomed before the child even gets there simply because they accept the lie that this is the way it has to be. And it’s not just the parents who think that. The teenagers have grown up hearing this garbage, too.

 

But don’t be discouraged, because there is hope. I’m twenty years old and proud to say that my mom is my best friend. I’m living, breathing proof that your kids can be more than a statistic; they can also be your friends.

 

I wish I could give you some simple instructions that would solve all your mother/daughter relationship problems overnight, but I’m afraid that’s impossible. Each individual person and relationship is too unique for there to be a simple formula for friendships. The way my mom relates to my sister is completely different from the way she relates to me. And on that note, let me just say that it’s okay if you have two daughters and your relationship with one comes easier than the other. That’s normal. It simply means that you have to work a little harder at connecting with the other.

 

While I can’t give you instructions on “How to Become Your Daughter’s Best Friend in 4 Easy Steps,” I hope the following suggestions move you smoothly into the beginning stages of a beautiful friendship.

 

1) Find common ground. There has to be something you both enjoy and can enjoy doing together, but if you’re so different that you’re having a hard time thinking something up, try making the sacrifice to meet her on her level. (After all, while my mom and I never had trouble finding ways to relate, some of my best memories of my dad were made in a carpet warehouse – not exactly every girl’s favorite place, if you know what I mean.)

 

2) Set a consistent time for the two of you to get together. It might be difficult at first, but see if you can arrange a time at least once a week to catch up on one another’s lives. (Moms, the “one another” part is a BIG deal. We don’t want you to bombard us with questions that might come off as invasive; we’re talking about a two-way relationship. Be open with us.) These chats can even be incorporated into an already established routine. My mom and I used to get our girl talk in during her daily walk. This way, we could get away from my siblings, have a little heart-to-heart, and exercise all at once.

 

3) Agree to disagree. Your daughter is growing up and becoming her own person. Sometimes she is going to have opinions that may not line up with yours, and the last thing she wants is to feel as if you’re trying to control her. Unless she’s spouting stuff off that is morally or Biblically unsound, let her say what she feels. You are more than welcome to share your viewpoints in love, but don’t try to convert her to your way of thinking.

 

4) Don’t try to be one of her friends. That may sound like it contradicts everything else I’ve been saying, but it’s probably the most important thing to keep in mind. While you need to be a friend to her, your relationship is going to look completely different than that of her other friendships. You’re her mom; not her little buddy. Accept the fact that your relationship is going to be a little unique.

 

Sometimes a girl needs a friend. Sometimes a girl needs a mom. But she always needs her mom to be a friend. So break our culture’s standards and cultivate a healthy relationship with your teenage daughter.

 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Rebekah Snyder is often referred to as her mother’s clone, twin, and even “other half.” While she has grown into an independent young woman, she’ll be the first to say that her mom is a huge part of her every success. She blogs at www.beyondwaiting.wordpress.com.

Ask Your Daughter What You Can Pray For

This weekend, ask your daughter if there is anything specific you can be praying for her. Maybe school, friends, relationships. You can pray with her in that moment, or you can drop her notes in her purse, on her mirror or pillow, reminding her you are praying for her. 


Don't fret to make it super spiritual. You daughter will thrive the most on your authentic and unique faith. Let her see that. 


++Bonus: Give her something to pray for you about. Be real. 

Photo Credit

Fearing Failure No More

Photo Credit

Dear Becoming Moms,

You’ve been on my heart. And just about every time I think of you or pray for you, I have this weighty moment where I pause and I think: “Oh Lord. Please, don’t let me fail these women.”  

And after a week of reciting this “Lord, let me not fail” mantra, God spoke up and reminded me that I’m not called to fail or succeed here.  I am simply called to act in obedience. 

So why am I so scared of failing you?  God reminds me that we [as in us moms] are simply called to act. To nurture. To try. To try again. To pray to Him for help & direction. To share our parental joys with Him. And to share our parental woes with Him. To lean on Him. To learn from Him. To learn from our experiences. And…to be present in our daughter’s lives – even when we don’t get it perfect. It’s not about passing or failing – it’s just about taking action.

Ladies, as you lead your daughters and aspire to build stronger relationships with them. Remember: it’s not about being perfect. It’s not about passing or failing. It’s simply about being present enough in your daughters’ life to take action, make effort, and to be there for her. You might struggle with what to say, when to say it, or how to lead the two of you into a deeper relationship – that’s okay. I do too.

As moms we are all plagued with moments of self-doubt, bewilderment, and a complete loss about what to tell our daughters.  I find myself in those moments all the time  [que my 2^nd mantra]

“Dear God, It’s me: Emily.  Am I doing this right???”

But that’s okay. If you find yourself in a “moment” it’s simply evidence that you’re trying and you’re taking action. Bravo.

Your daughter is going to find herself in plenty of moments where she’s afraid of failing, too. And as a mom you might realize that succeeding or failing isn’t even the point.  The point is that she just has to try. Be her example.

XO, Emily Falappino

Ecclesiastes 11:6

Remembering the Elementary Thrill of Make Up

Remember these days? When you daughter was thrilled at the sight of your makeup or begged for just a little lipstick? To her, you were the most beautiful woman in the world.

Take some time this weekend and get away with your girl(s). Take them to Sephora or the mall and try on some makeup together! Maybe even splurge on new lip gloss! 

Remind her that she's beautiful no matter what but that it's ok to have a little fun! (Even as a mom!)

XO

Photo Credit