Stop the Masquerade

An inspirational entry from the Proverbs 31 Ministry's author, Micca Campbell.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:14a (NIV)

During elementary school, my daughter was friendly and outgoing. But when she entered middle school she changed. Being friendly to everyone in sixth grade wasn’t cool. Peyton quickly found out if she didn’t conform to her friend’s new standards she’d be an outcast. Worst of all was the betrayal. When she didn’t change to be like her friends, they spilled her secrets.

That’s when it happened. Peyton started wearing masks to fit in and please people.

She hid her accepting and sweet personality, and lost her true identity. Almost like a masquerade ball, she’d wear a different personality or mask, acting in ways her friends would want.

There was only one problem. Peyton was miserable hiding behind her masks and pretending to be someone she wasn’t. Sound familiar?

I think most of us understand Peyton’s need to fit in. It’s one reason we wear our own masks. To please others. To hide our pain. To disguise fears and failures. We put on fronts to protect ourselves from an unaccepting world. And in doing so, we mask our true identity and lose our individuality.

Why do we keep up the masquerade? Because we want acceptance.

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Fearing Failure No More

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Dear Becoming Moms,

You’ve been on my heart. And just about every time I think of you or pray for you, I have this weighty moment where I pause and I think: “Oh Lord. Please, don’t let me fail these women.”  

And after a week of reciting this “Lord, let me not fail” mantra, God spoke up and reminded me that I’m not called to fail or succeed here.  I am simply called to act in obedience. 

So why am I so scared of failing you?  God reminds me that we [as in us moms] are simply called to act. To nurture. To try. To try again. To pray to Him for help & direction. To share our parental joys with Him. And to share our parental woes with Him. To lean on Him. To learn from Him. To learn from our experiences. And…to be present in our daughter’s lives – even when we don’t get it perfect. It’s not about passing or failing – it’s just about taking action.

Ladies, as you lead your daughters and aspire to build stronger relationships with them. Remember: it’s not about being perfect. It’s not about passing or failing. It’s simply about being present enough in your daughters’ life to take action, make effort, and to be there for her. You might struggle with what to say, when to say it, or how to lead the two of you into a deeper relationship – that’s okay. I do too.

As moms we are all plagued with moments of self-doubt, bewilderment, and a complete loss about what to tell our daughters.  I find myself in those moments all the time  [que my 2^nd mantra]

“Dear God, It’s me: Emily.  Am I doing this right???”

But that’s okay. If you find yourself in a “moment” it’s simply evidence that you’re trying and you’re taking action. Bravo.

Your daughter is going to find herself in plenty of moments where she’s afraid of failing, too. And as a mom you might realize that succeeding or failing isn’t even the point.  The point is that she just has to try. Be her example.

XO, Emily Falappino

Ecclesiastes 11:6