Wear it well, ladies!  xoxo

 

Character & Conflict

I recently read that good stories always involve character & conflict.  I thought about the simplicity of that statement. I don’t know that I’ve ever pin-pointed the make up of a good story to just 'character' & 'conflict' before.

But here’s the thing – it’s true.  Good stories, memorable stories, stories worth retelling – they all involve a character we love and a conflict that challenges the characters we’re attached to.  Character and conflict are necessary components of a good story. 

Here’s an example.  I’m going to tell you one story, in two different ways.

Story A

Jack woke up. He took his new bike for a ride around the neighborhood. He came home. The end.

Story B

Jack could hardly sleep. He had saved his money for months and finally purchased his dream bike.  It was perfect in every way that he imagined, and as soon as tomorrow arrived, he’d finally have the chance to ride the bike he had been dreaming about & saving up for.  When morning came he couldn’t wait any longer. He crept out of the house and rolled the bike out of the garage. The feel of the handlebars, the sound of the tires on the pavement – it was all exhilarating.  

Jack hopped on his bike and began to peddle. He races with the wind turning street corners, hopping on & off the sidewalk, gaining rhythm. It’s the ride of his life.  He can hear the wind in his ears.  Just as Jack turns the next corner he turns a bit wide and is met by the headlights of an approaching car.  The car’s horn blares loudly. The headlights glare. Jack panics.  His heart is racing. One moment he was the king of the world and with this turn of the corner his palms are sweating, his heart races, and he thinks he might not live to see another day. 

Jack careens to the right. The car misses him. But he eats the pavement. With a nasty road rash Jack heads home. He had the ride of his life and he can’t wait to ride another day. The end.

…so. Which story is more memorable? Which was more exciting? Which would you be more likely to retell?  Did one of the stories have your attention more? Did you learn anything from one story, more than the other?

I’m willing to bet that Story B was your favorite. I bet it captured your attention, got your heart pounding, and took you on a white-knuckle ride with Jack.  Did you worry for him? Were you relieved for him?  Did you feel like you were on an emotional roller coaster that left you smiling and happy in the end?

So what? You ask.

Character & conflict – two necessary components of a good story. Two necessary components for a story worth retelling. If we agree that character & conflict are necessary for a good story – why do you think that it would be any different for the story of our lives?

My life story is different from your life story. Your daughter’s story is different from her friend's. Her story is real and it’s full of drama, pain, challenge, & conflict. It’s also full of good things, memorable moments, and dreams come true.  Your daughter is the main character – who is she in the story? What conflicts is she facing on her current page? How will she write the rest of her existing story?

She’ll write her story after watching her parents write theirs. She’ll decide when to pick up the pen (or maybe a pencil) She’ll decide if she’s going to write her story like story A or like Story B. 

How will you teach her to shape her character and use conflict to give her story life, meaning, and something worth retelling?

A note for you

I stared at a blank screen for a while. I felt really compelled to write you. I wanted to share something to encourage and inspire you.

I typed.
I Deleted.
I typed again.
I deleted again. 

A dozen topics buzzed around in my brain.  We are mom's to tween/teen aged daughters.  There is so much that can be said about this stage of parenting. How could I be grasping for words? ...And then, this thought hit me...

Yes. There's much to be said about being a mom to an adolescent. (I'm sure we could all publish small novels on the subject - that or sympathy columns!)

Yes. There's much to experience alongside our daughters, through this part of their lives.  (It's a never ending rollercoaster ride of highs, lows, peaks & valleys.) 

But...then I stumbled into a thought that made me pause. It's a simple question, really.

How do you feel? Do you ever feel lost? discouraged? ill equipped?  Have you ever wondered if you've done something so wrong your kid(s) will never forget it or grow beyond it?  Have you ever regretted a moment? Or, pleaded with God for a "back" button?

I'm going out on a limb here. (Gulp.) I've felt this way. And, if I've felt this way I'm thinking at least one of you out there has felt this way, too. 

"Parenting" isn't synonymous with "perfection." So, why do we [sometimes] act like it is? It's so easy to get discouraged from our work as parents, when we're distracted by our mess-ups.

It's easy to look around at other parents, other kids, other families and get caught up in the comparison game. 
 
One word: "Don't."

I think it's perfectly normal to have moments of loss. Moments of regret. Moments of frustration. As parents, we still have moments when we're wrong, we're inept, we're tired.  (At least I do.)

If you're in a moment of doubt, fear, loss, or frustration. If you're in a moment that discourages you or challenges you. It's okay. Press on.  You're the best mother for your daughter. I promise. God made it that way. He divinely appointed it this way. 

You might mess up. You might get frustrated. You might be tired. Just like every other facet of life, the enemy is going to swoop in and try to devour & discourage you. He's going to use your kids' mess ups to make  you feel like a mess up. He's going to show you "picture perfect" families with the hope that you'll feel broken and stop trying. The enemy will swoop in and tell you a broken relationship with your daughter is irreparable. Don't buy into it.

I'm here to tell you that I know you're not perfect, but I LOVE the mother you are. I love that in your heart of hearts you care to raise your daughter with integrity, love, and the hope of Jesus.  You're going to have moments of discouragement and maybe even some despair.

Don't give in. Don't give up.  Your daughter needs you to model God's grace in action. She needs to see  you own your mistakes and recover with grace. She needs to see you persevere when you're tired and discouraged. She needs to see you champion your relationship with her.

May your moments of question and doubt be eclipsed by the love and strength of Jesus in you; giving you enough to fulfill the mission He's called you to - being "mom." 

<3
Emily

She Needs You

She needs you to teach her,
How to be brave,
How to see Jesus,
What a godly woman looks like,
In action.

She needs you to show her,
What dignity is,
How to live into it,
And how to give it.

She needs you to tell her,
She is worthy of respect,
From others,
And from herself.

She needs you to nudge her,
Towards all that she is capable of,
With God,
With herself,
With her future.

She needs you to remind her,
Of grace,
Of forgiveness,
Of passion,
Of bravery,
Of unconditional love.

She needs you to pray for her,
To worship God in everything she does.