The Proverbs 31 Mom:

She Surrounds Herself with God-Fearing & Hard Working People...

 

 

Moms - there is so much to say about this topic!!! (secret confession: I actually think that each time I prepare a Proverbs 31 Mom post.  ...but really! there's a lot to be learned of this!) 

 

I think you know where I'm going with this.  As the mom of a teen/tween -aged girl, I know you're seeing & experiencing the affects of your daughter's tempermant, based on the company she keeps (no. it's not just her horomones!)

 

The company we keep influences us. It can influence us for good...or for bad.  The environments we're in affect us. Sometimes we allow them to shape us.  The Proverbs 31 Mom knows this. She is aware of how she (herself) is affected by the company she keeps & the environments she is in. She is also aware of how she effects her daughter (and her household) by the company she keeps. 

 

So, really, there are a couple of lessons to be learned:

1. WE (moms & daughters) are affected by the company we keep & by the environments we put ourselves in.  This is why it's so key for the Proverbs 31 Mom to surround herself with God Fearing & hard working people. 
2. WE (moms, I'm speaking to you here) impact and affect our daughters and our families. Are we being the God-Fearing friend? mother? wife?  Are we fostering an environment in our homes that shapes our daughters to be God-fearing? God-loving? Hard working?

The Proverbs 31 Mom is not perfect. She just lives beyond herself. She's in constant awareness that she has to use wisdom & discernment to BE someone who positively influences her daughter. And, she recognizes that she needs wisdom & discernment to BE the woman God shapes her to be.  God will shape you into His image, when you're in His presence.

Proverbs 31: She has wisdom, in order to give wisdom

She has wisdom...

 

I don't know about you, but those words: "She has wisdom..." stun me.  Yes, they stun me.  I hear those words and I crave wisdom  - I crave the Holy Spirit in me.  Lord, I want for you. I want for your wisdom! 

 

Let's get real for a minute.  Of all the traits to seek & plead for, wisdom is on the Top 10 list.  As mothers, as women - we need wisdom. We need wisdom to discern. We need wisdom to discipline. We need wisdom to make decisions. We need wisdom to know how to nurture. We need wisdom to lead our homes. We need wisdom...simply because it's of God.

 

The Proverbs 31 Mom knows this. She has wisdom, in order to give wisdom.  Moms - I want you to raise and guide your daughters in wisdom, love, and truth.  But you can't give those gifts to your daughter, if you don't possess them first. Think, pray, and meditate on this:

 

Lord, what could I do with more of you? 

 (BTW that's what wisdom really is. It's more of God's spirit in us - speaking within us)

 

 

The Proverbs 31 Mom gives us a rich example of what she sought in her own heart, in her own life to BE as impactful as she was. The essence of the Proverbs 31 wo-mom was the wisdom that guided her heart and her actions. I believe that wisdom was at the core of all of her other, amazing traits.

 

The Proverbs 31 woman was an ordinary woman. She was humble, limited, and imperfect (just like us...or at least like me!) She sought wisdom and that changed how she filled her role(s) as a mom, woman, and wife.  Wisdom - my dear moms - can change your everyday hustle and bustle into something beyond how we currently see ourselves.  And it can change how you are perceived and received by people around you. 

 

How could you be more effective in the lives of your daughters? In the lives of your family? In the lives of those who are all around you?  The Proverbs 31 woman did it with grace - she made it look like an art form without even trying. I challenge you to study & pray on why I suggest wisdom is at the root of that.

 

Remember...she has wisdom, in order to give wisdom...

 

 

 

The Proverbs 31 Mom: She Teaches...

SHE TEACHES

 

 

What is it about the Proverbs 31 woman that makes her so admirable? I think I'm fascinated most by her silence & her humility. The prose in Proverbs 31 gives us a glimpse of this woman who knows her role, her influence, her skills, and her reach. She is quietly confident and hugely effective.  So, in my quest to be more like the Proverbs 31 woman, I think it's worth looking at this woman through another lens: The Proverbs 31 Mom. 

 

This week we look at how ...she teaches

 

The Proverbs 31 Mother teaches her children.  With or without a chalkboard. With or without raising her voice.  With or without a lesson plan.  She teaches.

 

The Proverbs 31 mom uses every opportunity she encounters to teach her children. Read Proverbs 31: 1-9 for a "remembrance" of this great woman, from the perspective of her son.  Here she clearly used words (and, no doubt, some wit.)  This portion of scripture shows her as a mom who actively taught.  She probably used a little bit of the 'ol, "do this, not that. Say this, not that" (you get the picture.) 

 

Then Read Proverbs 31:10-31 and count all the ways she taught - without words. This is what grips me the most! She teaches without words.  Her choices. Her attitude. Her example. Her character. Her prayer life. Her empathy. Her sternness. Her company. Her involvement in the church. Her outword love for Christ. Her work ethic. Her self-discipline. Her selflesness.  ...she teaches without words.

 

Convicting? Comforting?

Either way, here's the point.  Each moment, you have a powerful opportunity.

God presents moms with opportunity every day.  Moments full of lifelong impact.

How will you use your teachable moments?

How will you teach with or without words?

 

As moms, we literally have every moment to teach our daughters (words not always required.)  And if you're anything like me - you don't always relish the idea of being a teacher 24/7.  As the mothers of tween/teen-agers, I'm finding that, not only do we have the opportunity to teach our daughters; but at this stage of life, there is a constant need to teach our daughters.  It's like these teachable moments spring  up everywhere, all the time.

 

Your daughter sees all & hears all. She takes it all in, and she learns from it. She will often reflect back on what you say & do, to guide her through what she should say & do.  Scary? Sometimes.

 

In our house, I feel like there's a daily lesson plan that springs from friend-drama, peer pressure, social media (or any internet based application) and school/home responsibilities.  In all honesty, it's just exhausting. [I could actually talk about all those micro-lessons for at least another week! But that would be another series all together!]

 

Sometimes I look at these teachable moments and think "Really, Lord? Right Now?"

 

His answer?  "Yes. Right Now."  
[out of that conversation spring a new mantra: "If not now, then when?"]

He catches me in these moments of personal decision and action.  And I realize, that those are teachable moments too. Who I am. What I wear. How I treat people. How often I pray. My attitude. My self-discipline. My tempermant.  Oh, Lord, those are teachable moments, too!

I look at my daughter every day and see her growth. I see the physical maturity. It's up to me to ensure that her spiritual maturity, spiritual development, and regard for everything in between matures, too. 

If I've learned anything from the Proverbs 31 Mom, it's that she teaches with and without words.  She sees every moment as an opportunity to have a lasting impact on her child(ren.)  And don't get me wrong, sisters.  She has her not-so-bright & shining-moments (if you get my gist) but she ensures that she has many more positive moments that far outweigh her bad moments. 

It's not perfection - It's just the pursuit of it.  God's grace covers everything in between.  And if/when you find yourself challenged or discouraged, remember that in the end

 

"...Her children arise & call her blessed..."

Prov. 31:28

-Emily

 

The Proverbs 31 Mom

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The Proverbs 31 Mom

I think I could read Proverbs 31 everyday and never get tired of it. I love this passage of scripture. It's inspiring to me.  It's challenging, uplifting, humbling. This passage never ceases to invigorate me with the desire to be better.  The woman described in this passage is like the world's finest woman. Scripture paints a portrait of her as a domestic diva, successful entrepreneur, beloved wife, and as an all-star mom. She plans ahead, makes things happen and is kind-spiritied ...what's not to aspire after?

So, I got to thinking. I've diligently studied the Proverbs 31 woman, thru my quest to be a better woman; but I've never read this passage with the exclusive intent of finding motherly counsel.  Here's the thing: Proverbs 31 begins as a lesson from mom to son.  That's right, verses 1-9 are a son's remembrance of what his mother taught him (I know, you're all thinking...her son wrote that?) 

So here's my reflection on what the Proverbs 31 woman has taught me about motherhood:

Lesson 1

She Teaches Her Child(ren) 

Lesson 2

She has wisdom, in order to give wisdom

Lesson 3

She surrounds herself with God-fearing & hard working people

Lesson 4

She says very little, but she does much

Lesson 5

She fears the Lord

Lesson 6

She is selfless; putting all others before her

Lesson 7

Who she is, is recognized before what she says 

Who she is, is recognized before what she looks like

Lesson 8

She looks over her children & her household

(mom's, there is a lot to this one!)

I feel a blog series coming on... to be continued

Sometimes ... a Weekend Challenge

This quote made me chuckle.

Mostly because I can picture God peering through the clouds, looking at me & saying

"is this making any sense to you?"

I am often the child He calms. I am the bratty, unsatisfied, child who pounds my fist when I  don't understand His plan or ways. Yup. Me.

I am often the stubborn, self-centered child with attitude.

 

Does any of this sound familiar?

We're parents of tween/teenagers. Our children are sometimes bratty. They are often unsatisfied. They pound their fists when they don't understand our ways & decisions, as parents.

 

Maybe, then. I should take a few notes from my Heavenly Father.

(Dare I say "[we] should take a few notes from our Heavenly Father.")

 

Be the calm in your daughters life. Let the storm rage and be the quiet-still, in her struggle. There are always occassions to lay down the mom-law. But, maybe, I can challenge you to surprise her with your silence. Not your ignorance. Surprise her with your quiet-still, as you listen. just listen. don't rush in with a remedy. meet her with empathy. affirm her feelings through the storm, and watch her calm.

 

Happy Weekend!

-Emily 

 

Words for the Week

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I'm reading a beautiful book about brokenness. Yes, you heard me right: brokenness. It's called "Mended" by Angie Smith (who started as a blogger, I'd just like to mention...) It's one of those books that requires you have a pen or highlighter nearby at all times (...and a tissue box.)  It's an incredible book. Very moving. Very relatable. The author, Angie Smith, uses her personal experience after the death of her daughter Audrey, to share about her journey through brokenness. 

[We all have a little "broken" in our lives, so when you're not reading this blog, I highly recommend her book]

It's inadequate of me to say that she suffered tremendous loss & brokenness after losing her daughter.  The book shares some of her journey through that. Her reliance on the Lord is astounding.  Her journey is beyond inspiring [seriously, the book is a must read!!!] And something she said in her book stunned me. It literally resonated with my soul. Angie shared a tender moment of her life where she collapsed before the Lord. She posed a simple question, that I instantly had to ask of myself.  And it's a question that instantly made me think of YOU (yes, you, our fearless readers.)

While Angie sat in brokeness, she said, "...And so I sat on my closet floor asking the Lord to show me why He had brought me here..."

Pause. Ever had a moment like this?!?  A moment when life, circumstances, challenges, or decisions have you on your knees?

Oh, yes. Those broken moments...when we feel like a mess. When we feel like we're at our wits end. When we've lost it, messed up, or don't know what to do.   

Those, sweet sisters, are the moments when God steps in to mend our hearts, our hurts, and our struggles. What we fail to consider in those ugly moments is God's perspective: God sees a beautiful reason to the ugly season.

...So. Back to the question Angie asked, "...why had He brought me here?"

That simple request of the Lord stopped me in my tracks.  Her question attached to my soul & it got me thinking...

"Why, Lord? Why have you brought us here?"

Whether you're broken or whole.  A Biological- or Step- mom.  A guardian or foster parent. A mom-to-one or a mom-to-many. You are here because your relationship with your daughter(s) compels you to be. I know, sweet sister, that your role as a mom is less than perfect. It has it's highs and lows. It's moments of goodness, and it's moments of brokenness.  God will meet you here, in whichever season you're in.  Wherever your relationship with your daughter is (or isn't.)

Your desire to love & nurture your daughter equips you enough. I didn't say it would make you a perfect mom who has it all together (there's no such thing - I've checked!!!) But, your desire to be a great mom brought you here. And that's more than enough.

As you head into your week, examine your interaction with your daughter(s). Are you satisfied with your relationship? Are you scared by it?  Unaware of it?  Then, ask yourself this question, "how did it get here?" And ask of God, "What can You, God, do with this? Where can You get us from here?"

These questions (and answers) are important keys to our future journeys as moms & daughters.  Share your thoughts! 

- Emily

Becoming Conference Moms: Are you ready for more???

Nine months ago I attended the Becoming Conference for the first time, ever. Not only did I attend the Becoming Conference, but I jumped right in by volunteering.  That's right...what better way to find out what the conference is all about, than by being involved??? [shameless plug: we always need willing volunteers - so feel free to reach me, if you're interested in volunteering!]

I volunteered the first time around, believing that something much bigger than me was being served. And I was right.  I knew that the Becoming Conference was something my daughter & I needed to do together. I knew it was something that would benefit her as a tween-ager ...but what I didn't expect was how much I would benefit, as a mom.

Nine months later, I've had the privilege of leading you and your daughters through the Becoming: Captivated Bible Study; and just this past weekend, I was part of the Becoming Leadership Retreat.  All this to say that my world, as a mom, has been totally rocked - thanks to the Becoming Girls Conference. And, why is that? I mean, in all honesty, my world is rocked on a daily basis simply because I'm the mother of an adolescent girl (...and,you know what I'm talking about!!) 

This conference has opened up gateways for me & my daughter to grow together; and it's given us a gateway to grow as individuals.  I am challenged, comforted, equipped, and humbled as a mom because of the experiences I've shared with my daughter, through the Becoming Girls Conference & The Becoming Captivated Bible study.

Join me again for the next chapter(s) of our journey as mom & daughter.  But don't just read my story. Lord knows I never intended to be a blogger!  I'm here to share, encourage, and reassure you as fellow-moms.  Your daughter needs you - more than you know.  And, your daughter wants a relationship with you - more than you know.  Trust me.  I just spent an entire weekend with young girls who spilled about their hopes, expectations, loves & hates about their mother-daughter relationships.  Your daughter needs you.

As a parent, God has high expectations for you.  You're accountable for raising up and guiding the gift He created in your daughter.   I don't know about you, but it's a job & responsiblity too big for me!!!  I suspect you often feel the same way (or you probably wouldn't be reading this blog.)  Whether you feel equipped or not, with God's grace & presence; and with the company of each other, it's possible. 

Bring your hearts & hurts. Bring your stories. Bring your questions and concerns. We're going to delve into this tween/teen thing, together.

~ Emily
Becoming Captivated Study Director

Girl in Progress | Movie Review

“Being a kid is stupid. I’m moving on,” announces Ansiedad, a spunky teenager who decides to write her own coming-of-age story in the funny and heartbreaking new comedy, Girl in Progress.


Adapted from a screenplay written by Hiram Martinez, the latest film from Pantelion Films—the first major Latino Hollywood studio—open[ed] just in time for Mother's Day on Friday, May 11, 2012 and represents a new wave of cinema targeting the Hispanic movie-going population. But the film’s quirky, yet honest, take on serious issues many teens face when going through adolescence (or dealing with parents who still act like they are) makes it universally appealing for all audiences. 


Partly inspired by her English teacher at school (Patricia Arquette, TV’sMedium) who introduces the class to the concept of a “coming-of-age story” in literature, and partly fueled by her desire to grow up and distance herself from her immature, self-involved single mom (Eva Mendes, The Other Guys), Ansiedad (Cierra Ramirez) begins mapping out her growing-up story in a flowchart on her bedroom wall.


Best friend Tavita (Raini Rodriguez, Prom) is also helping out with the strategy, as they decide that Anisedad must transition from good to bad in order to quickly come of age. That begins with joining the chess club and winning some matches, followed by a total image makeover. Befriending the popular girl in school comes next so that Ansiedad, which interestingly enough means “anxiety” in Spanish, will then get invited to the wild parties which will then put her in closer proximity to the next major step in her transformative journey.


Continue Reading...

Dreaming Over Breakfast

This weekend, take your daughter(s) to breakfast one morning and talk to her about your dreams. 

Tell them stories of when you were their age and what you dreamed about doing, who you dreamed about being and how you got to where you are now. Be honest with them. They'll love it. And they'll love you. 

Then, only after you've opened up first, ask them what they dream about.

Together, figure out how you can help each other fulfill those dreams. 

A Mother's Lost Dreams // Part 2

I have to share this picture. I don’t know why but it makes me giggle and it makes me feel empowered at the same time.  When I look at this picture I feel like I’m looking at a mini-me from 25 years ago [which is ridiculous because I’m a brunette]

Each time I look at it, I quietly whisper, Do it! Go for it! Be a superhero in a tutu ~ You can if you want to.  Go tricycle after your dreams and don’t let anyone stop you!”  …and then, the moment fades. And I transition from that one happy thought to a moment where I laugh at myself. I ridicule the thought of me being a superhero in a tutu.  

When did this become me?  

When did I trade in my tutu for a frowny face?  

John 10:10 says, “The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I have come so that they may have life, and have it to the full.”   

Wow. What a sweet, sweet promise.  God promises to give us life abundantly, and He’s already warned us that the enemy lurks about, waiting to devour and destroy our dreams, Our hopes, and Our future. 

Ladies, I IMPLORE you:  Don’t take this topic lightly. Don’t lose sight of your dreams.  And if it’s been a while since you’ve even felt the romance of dreaming – revive the feeling. Relive the memory. Get some new dreams and bring them to next week’s blog edition.  

When your daughter sees you dream, it’s powerful and inspiring.  When she sees you achieve your dreams, it’s empowering and encouraging.  And when she watches you pursue your dreams, persevere, and overcome the challenges that stand between you and your dream(s) …well, it’s downright life changing!  

- Written by Emily F.

Words for Mothers + Daughters

Encourage yourself and your daughters with these words this week. Make sure she knows how much you love her too!

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A Mother's Lost Dreams

Lost Dreams. Abandoned Dreams. Forgotten Dreams. Forsaken Dreams ~ any of those phrases conjure up some feeling in you?  Lately, it seems that I meet more and more women who tell me they’ve forgotten what their dreams are. They’ve forgotten how to dream for themselves. …in fact, they don’t know how to dream for themselves anymore. Can you relate? I can [sigh]

It seems that amidst the busyness of life, child rearing, family time, work, and a multitude of other commitments, we have forgotten how to dream. We have forgotten to make time to dream. We’ve begun to doubt our dreams, ourselves, and the beauty of believing in our dreams. We’ve somehow traded in our dreams for things like fear, doubt, and disbelief (aka – lack of faith.)   

This is a problem! You’re never too old (or too busy) to dream.  And in all honesty, I think you’re robbing yourself of all the goodness that goes along with dreaming. Dreams require faith, prayer, hope, conviction, action, perseverance, and passion. Wouldn’t life be a little more adventurous and gratifying if we lived with more of those characteristics every day? Imagine days FILLED with hope, love, faith, prayer, passion action, conviction and perseverance – sounds powerful to me!!!

So, let me beg the question: where did your dreams go? Where did you leave your dreams? And what might you have traded them in for? 

For the next two weeks – we’re talking about dreams. YOUR dreams.

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Love, Nurture, and a Little Dysfunction

No matter how great the intentions or how purposeful the parenting, our daughters will always have something quirky, different, and unique about them. There will be moments when they blame that strangeness on their life's crisis and there will be moments when they are more than grateful for it because of who it fashioned them to be. 


This weekend, talk to your daughters about what they're feeling about life at the moment. Start by asking simple questions like, do you feel you're doing well in school these days? Or, how are your friends doing? 


You want to know about them, but they'll be less hesitant to answer when the question is indirect. Then end with asking her how you can pray for her specifically this coming week. Big test? Boyfriend? Crush? Friend drama? Fears? Worries? 


Then let her talk. 


You can do it mama! Your daughter wants more of you than she may let on. Make yourself available this weekend. 

Life is Like a Pie Chart

As much as I hate to admit this: my daughter is officially taller than me.  Actually, let me recant that. She’s at least, officially, the same height as me (I’m not quite convinced that she’s taller).  In any case, this “measurement” of her growth reminded me of how much she’s growing and changing every day. 

Before I sound too cliché, I’ll get to the point. 

Her physical growth reminds me that she’s growing in every other capacity, as well. Not to mention at a pace that I find hard to keep up with! I look at it as my job to stay ahead of  her pace, so that I can be prepared to lead and guide her through each growing pain.  But, let’s be honest. There are only so many hours in the day, and I’m only one person. 

I can’t possibly be there to influence her for every moment.  So that led me to this incredibly random thought: 

If life were a pie chart, how would I determine the measure of each influence in my daughter’s life???

Here’s  a list of things I came up with that are probably some of the most prominent influences on her life and decision making right now. These are the pieces of the pie chart, that I see in my daughter’s life:

·      Our home & how we live our lives in it

·      Her friends

·      Her peers / peer pressure

·      Culture (tv, handheld devices, music, etc.)

·      Her teachers & Bible study leaders

·      Church / Devotional Time

·      My example

·      The unknown (there’s always a factor we parents don’t know about)

What does your daughter's life pie chart look like?

What else is an influence on your daughter’s life?

And how big is each slice?

I encourage you to think through things realistically (not just how you’d idealize it) and visualize how big each of these factors are in influencing your daughter’s character building & development.

For me and my daughter, this silly pie chart idea is a visual reminder, that just like a pie – there are many pieces of influence that contribute to my daughter’s decision making and character development.

And as a mother, I have the responsibility to determine how large each slice of influence is, by what I allow in her life. 

But sweet sisters, we both know it's only by God's grace that we know how to manage that precious, lip gloss loving pie chart. We must seek Him in everything we do, especially as mothers.

Will you seek and graph with me?

Proverbs 3:5-6, Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

-Emily F.

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You are Super Mom

Yes you are.

A Prayer For Moms

Dear Father God, 

I pray for the women reading this today. I pray that you would pause whatever is happening in their lives, for just a moment.  That you would pierce their circumstances, their hearts, and their minds. I pray, Lord, that you would bless them. Encourage them. Speak to them.  Affirm them.  Build them up as women – direct their steps as mothers.

Lord, I pray over their mother-daughter relationships – that you would bless them with favor, love, and kinship. I pray that you would bond their hearts. And I pray that you would help each mom and daughter to be a source of inspiration and encouragement to each other, as they pursue their dreams.

Lord, I rebuke the enemy’s efforts to drive a wedge between mom’s & daughters.

I pray that we, mothers, would stand strong in our faith and relationship with you; that we might exemplify the goodness and joy in being a woman after God’s own heart.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen!

Written by  Emily F.

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8 Questions We're Afraid to Ask Our Daughters (But Need To)

As moms, the mind and thought process of our teenage daughters can be frightening, mostly because we were them! We know what it's like to be a teen, to have raging hormones, and fight drama. But our girls need us. 

They need us to ask them the tough questions and bring up the complicated subjects because if we don't, someone else will. And the perfect plan of God calls for parents, mothers, to be raising up their children in the ways of the Lord. 

So we've laid out some questions we think are awkward but necessary for conversation with your girls. Try one or two this weekend! ~

1. If you could get me to change ONE of my mom-rules, what would it be?

2. Is there anything you’ve ever wanted to ask me, but were afraid to?

3. What do you think about dating?

4. Do you have a crush?????

5. What have you heard & what do you think about Drugs & alcohol?

6. How do you feel when it comes to talking to me about something “serious” or “sensitive” (like: your body, peer pressure, etc)? Uncomfortable? – Nervous? – Okay? – Fearful? – All of the Above?

7. If you could have ANYTHING what would it be?

8. If you could escape one feeling for the rest of your life, what would it be?

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