Wear it well, ladies!  xoxo

 

Character & Conflict

I recently read that good stories always involve character & conflict.  I thought about the simplicity of that statement. I don’t know that I’ve ever pin-pointed the make up of a good story to just 'character' & 'conflict' before.

But here’s the thing – it’s true.  Good stories, memorable stories, stories worth retelling – they all involve a character we love and a conflict that challenges the characters we’re attached to.  Character and conflict are necessary components of a good story. 

Here’s an example.  I’m going to tell you one story, in two different ways.

Story A

Jack woke up. He took his new bike for a ride around the neighborhood. He came home. The end.

Story B

Jack could hardly sleep. He had saved his money for months and finally purchased his dream bike.  It was perfect in every way that he imagined, and as soon as tomorrow arrived, he’d finally have the chance to ride the bike he had been dreaming about & saving up for.  When morning came he couldn’t wait any longer. He crept out of the house and rolled the bike out of the garage. The feel of the handlebars, the sound of the tires on the pavement – it was all exhilarating.  

Jack hopped on his bike and began to peddle. He races with the wind turning street corners, hopping on & off the sidewalk, gaining rhythm. It’s the ride of his life.  He can hear the wind in his ears.  Just as Jack turns the next corner he turns a bit wide and is met by the headlights of an approaching car.  The car’s horn blares loudly. The headlights glare. Jack panics.  His heart is racing. One moment he was the king of the world and with this turn of the corner his palms are sweating, his heart races, and he thinks he might not live to see another day. 

Jack careens to the right. The car misses him. But he eats the pavement. With a nasty road rash Jack heads home. He had the ride of his life and he can’t wait to ride another day. The end.

…so. Which story is more memorable? Which was more exciting? Which would you be more likely to retell?  Did one of the stories have your attention more? Did you learn anything from one story, more than the other?

I’m willing to bet that Story B was your favorite. I bet it captured your attention, got your heart pounding, and took you on a white-knuckle ride with Jack.  Did you worry for him? Were you relieved for him?  Did you feel like you were on an emotional roller coaster that left you smiling and happy in the end?

So what? You ask.

Character & conflict – two necessary components of a good story. Two necessary components for a story worth retelling. If we agree that character & conflict are necessary for a good story – why do you think that it would be any different for the story of our lives?

My life story is different from your life story. Your daughter’s story is different from her friend's. Her story is real and it’s full of drama, pain, challenge, & conflict. It’s also full of good things, memorable moments, and dreams come true.  Your daughter is the main character – who is she in the story? What conflicts is she facing on her current page? How will she write the rest of her existing story?

She’ll write her story after watching her parents write theirs. She’ll decide when to pick up the pen (or maybe a pencil) She’ll decide if she’s going to write her story like story A or like Story B. 

How will you teach her to shape her character and use conflict to give her story life, meaning, and something worth retelling?

A note for you

I stared at a blank screen for a while. I felt really compelled to write you. I wanted to share something to encourage and inspire you.

I typed.
I Deleted.
I typed again.
I deleted again. 

A dozen topics buzzed around in my brain.  We are mom's to tween/teen aged daughters.  There is so much that can be said about this stage of parenting. How could I be grasping for words? ...And then, this thought hit me...

Yes. There's much to be said about being a mom to an adolescent. (I'm sure we could all publish small novels on the subject - that or sympathy columns!)

Yes. There's much to experience alongside our daughters, through this part of their lives.  (It's a never ending rollercoaster ride of highs, lows, peaks & valleys.) 

But...then I stumbled into a thought that made me pause. It's a simple question, really.

How do you feel? Do you ever feel lost? discouraged? ill equipped?  Have you ever wondered if you've done something so wrong your kid(s) will never forget it or grow beyond it?  Have you ever regretted a moment? Or, pleaded with God for a "back" button?

I'm going out on a limb here. (Gulp.) I've felt this way. And, if I've felt this way I'm thinking at least one of you out there has felt this way, too. 

"Parenting" isn't synonymous with "perfection." So, why do we [sometimes] act like it is? It's so easy to get discouraged from our work as parents, when we're distracted by our mess-ups.

It's easy to look around at other parents, other kids, other families and get caught up in the comparison game. 
 
One word: "Don't."

I think it's perfectly normal to have moments of loss. Moments of regret. Moments of frustration. As parents, we still have moments when we're wrong, we're inept, we're tired.  (At least I do.)

If you're in a moment of doubt, fear, loss, or frustration. If you're in a moment that discourages you or challenges you. It's okay. Press on.  You're the best mother for your daughter. I promise. God made it that way. He divinely appointed it this way. 

You might mess up. You might get frustrated. You might be tired. Just like every other facet of life, the enemy is going to swoop in and try to devour & discourage you. He's going to use your kids' mess ups to make  you feel like a mess up. He's going to show you "picture perfect" families with the hope that you'll feel broken and stop trying. The enemy will swoop in and tell you a broken relationship with your daughter is irreparable. Don't buy into it.

I'm here to tell you that I know you're not perfect, but I LOVE the mother you are. I love that in your heart of hearts you care to raise your daughter with integrity, love, and the hope of Jesus.  You're going to have moments of discouragement and maybe even some despair.

Don't give in. Don't give up.  Your daughter needs you to model God's grace in action. She needs to see  you own your mistakes and recover with grace. She needs to see you persevere when you're tired and discouraged. She needs to see you champion your relationship with her.

May your moments of question and doubt be eclipsed by the love and strength of Jesus in you; giving you enough to fulfill the mission He's called you to - being "mom." 

<3
Emily

She Needs You

She needs you to teach her,
How to be brave,
How to see Jesus,
What a godly woman looks like,
In action.

She needs you to show her,
What dignity is,
How to live into it,
And how to give it.

She needs you to tell her,
She is worthy of respect,
From others,
And from herself.

She needs you to nudge her,
Towards all that she is capable of,
With God,
With herself,
With her future.

She needs you to remind her,
Of grace,
Of forgiveness,
Of passion,
Of bravery,
Of unconditional love.

She needs you to pray for her,
To worship God in everything she does.

The Proverbs 31 Mom:

She Surrounds Herself with God-Fearing & Hard Working People...

 

 

Moms - there is so much to say about this topic!!! (secret confession: I actually think that each time I prepare a Proverbs 31 Mom post.  ...but really! there's a lot to be learned of this!) 

 

I think you know where I'm going with this.  As the mom of a teen/tween -aged girl, I know you're seeing & experiencing the affects of your daughter's tempermant, based on the company she keeps (no. it's not just her horomones!)

 

The company we keep influences us. It can influence us for good...or for bad.  The environments we're in affect us. Sometimes we allow them to shape us.  The Proverbs 31 Mom knows this. She is aware of how she (herself) is affected by the company she keeps & the environments she is in. She is also aware of how she effects her daughter (and her household) by the company she keeps. 

 

So, really, there are a couple of lessons to be learned:

1. WE (moms & daughters) are affected by the company we keep & by the environments we put ourselves in.  This is why it's so key for the Proverbs 31 Mom to surround herself with God Fearing & hard working people. 
2. WE (moms, I'm speaking to you here) impact and affect our daughters and our families. Are we being the God-Fearing friend? mother? wife?  Are we fostering an environment in our homes that shapes our daughters to be God-fearing? God-loving? Hard working?

The Proverbs 31 Mom is not perfect. She just lives beyond herself. She's in constant awareness that she has to use wisdom & discernment to BE someone who positively influences her daughter. And, she recognizes that she needs wisdom & discernment to BE the woman God shapes her to be.  God will shape you into His image, when you're in His presence.

Proverbs 31: She has wisdom, in order to give wisdom

She has wisdom...

 

I don't know about you, but those words: "She has wisdom..." stun me.  Yes, they stun me.  I hear those words and I crave wisdom  - I crave the Holy Spirit in me.  Lord, I want for you. I want for your wisdom! 

 

Let's get real for a minute.  Of all the traits to seek & plead for, wisdom is on the Top 10 list.  As mothers, as women - we need wisdom. We need wisdom to discern. We need wisdom to discipline. We need wisdom to make decisions. We need wisdom to know how to nurture. We need wisdom to lead our homes. We need wisdom...simply because it's of God.

 

The Proverbs 31 Mom knows this. She has wisdom, in order to give wisdom.  Moms - I want you to raise and guide your daughters in wisdom, love, and truth.  But you can't give those gifts to your daughter, if you don't possess them first. Think, pray, and meditate on this:

 

Lord, what could I do with more of you? 

 (BTW that's what wisdom really is. It's more of God's spirit in us - speaking within us)

 

 

The Proverbs 31 Mom gives us a rich example of what she sought in her own heart, in her own life to BE as impactful as she was. The essence of the Proverbs 31 wo-mom was the wisdom that guided her heart and her actions. I believe that wisdom was at the core of all of her other, amazing traits.

 

The Proverbs 31 woman was an ordinary woman. She was humble, limited, and imperfect (just like us...or at least like me!) She sought wisdom and that changed how she filled her role(s) as a mom, woman, and wife.  Wisdom - my dear moms - can change your everyday hustle and bustle into something beyond how we currently see ourselves.  And it can change how you are perceived and received by people around you. 

 

How could you be more effective in the lives of your daughters? In the lives of your family? In the lives of those who are all around you?  The Proverbs 31 woman did it with grace - she made it look like an art form without even trying. I challenge you to study & pray on why I suggest wisdom is at the root of that.

 

Remember...she has wisdom, in order to give wisdom...

 

 

 

The Proverbs 31 Mom: She Teaches...

SHE TEACHES

 

 

What is it about the Proverbs 31 woman that makes her so admirable? I think I'm fascinated most by her silence & her humility. The prose in Proverbs 31 gives us a glimpse of this woman who knows her role, her influence, her skills, and her reach. She is quietly confident and hugely effective.  So, in my quest to be more like the Proverbs 31 woman, I think it's worth looking at this woman through another lens: The Proverbs 31 Mom. 

 

This week we look at how ...she teaches

 

The Proverbs 31 Mother teaches her children.  With or without a chalkboard. With or without raising her voice.  With or without a lesson plan.  She teaches.

 

The Proverbs 31 mom uses every opportunity she encounters to teach her children. Read Proverbs 31: 1-9 for a "remembrance" of this great woman, from the perspective of her son.  Here she clearly used words (and, no doubt, some wit.)  This portion of scripture shows her as a mom who actively taught.  She probably used a little bit of the 'ol, "do this, not that. Say this, not that" (you get the picture.) 

 

Then Read Proverbs 31:10-31 and count all the ways she taught - without words. This is what grips me the most! She teaches without words.  Her choices. Her attitude. Her example. Her character. Her prayer life. Her empathy. Her sternness. Her company. Her involvement in the church. Her outword love for Christ. Her work ethic. Her self-discipline. Her selflesness.  ...she teaches without words.

 

Convicting? Comforting?

Either way, here's the point.  Each moment, you have a powerful opportunity.

God presents moms with opportunity every day.  Moments full of lifelong impact.

How will you use your teachable moments?

How will you teach with or without words?

 

As moms, we literally have every moment to teach our daughters (words not always required.)  And if you're anything like me - you don't always relish the idea of being a teacher 24/7.  As the mothers of tween/teen-agers, I'm finding that, not only do we have the opportunity to teach our daughters; but at this stage of life, there is a constant need to teach our daughters.  It's like these teachable moments spring  up everywhere, all the time.

 

Your daughter sees all & hears all. She takes it all in, and she learns from it. She will often reflect back on what you say & do, to guide her through what she should say & do.  Scary? Sometimes.

 

In our house, I feel like there's a daily lesson plan that springs from friend-drama, peer pressure, social media (or any internet based application) and school/home responsibilities.  In all honesty, it's just exhausting. [I could actually talk about all those micro-lessons for at least another week! But that would be another series all together!]

 

Sometimes I look at these teachable moments and think "Really, Lord? Right Now?"

 

His answer?  "Yes. Right Now."  
[out of that conversation spring a new mantra: "If not now, then when?"]

He catches me in these moments of personal decision and action.  And I realize, that those are teachable moments too. Who I am. What I wear. How I treat people. How often I pray. My attitude. My self-discipline. My tempermant.  Oh, Lord, those are teachable moments, too!

I look at my daughter every day and see her growth. I see the physical maturity. It's up to me to ensure that her spiritual maturity, spiritual development, and regard for everything in between matures, too. 

If I've learned anything from the Proverbs 31 Mom, it's that she teaches with and without words.  She sees every moment as an opportunity to have a lasting impact on her child(ren.)  And don't get me wrong, sisters.  She has her not-so-bright & shining-moments (if you get my gist) but she ensures that she has many more positive moments that far outweigh her bad moments. 

It's not perfection - It's just the pursuit of it.  God's grace covers everything in between.  And if/when you find yourself challenged or discouraged, remember that in the end

 

"...Her children arise & call her blessed..."

Prov. 31:28

-Emily